| Player Profile | ||
| Ian Ward | |
| DoB | ||
| Weight | 12st | |
| Height | 5'7.5" | |
| Joined club | 1998 | |
| Position played | Sweeper | |
| Nickname | Wardy / Sicknote | |
| Favourite Team | West Ham | |
| Favourite Drink | Fosters Top | |
| Favourite Food | Fish and Chips | |
| Fantasy Female | Paula (behind the Bar) | |
| Pet hate | Players always complaining of injuries | |
| Club Comment | |
| Ian Ward |
Another of the clubs midgets bearing a striking resemblance in looks, as well as size, to Tattoo the dwarf in Fantasy Island. A former player manager of our Saturday first team he now spends his time playing sweeper on a Sunday morning. A teacher by trade Wardy, or Sir as he likes to be called by the junior members, brings an air of authority to the warm up and excels at organising the playground games in the pub afterwards. He strenuously denies the allegation that he is the product of a relationship between Ronnie Corbett and a pygmy and has already taken an IQ test to ensure his was not Sargy's twin. Nevertheless a very accomplished footballer in the warmer months but does tend to go missing when the grass gets longer. | |