Brownies Diary | Banter
Hello All
What follows is a diary and response to
various website articles over the past
few weeks or months gone by
Brownies Diary | Banter Hello All |
|
|
On returning from my holiday (see below) I find Once again Wayne Rooney, Liam ( Bert ) Gent and myself have found themselves in the news for the wrong reasons. Although Liam seems the odd one out as he doesn't quite have the footballing talent me and Rooney have, when it comes to close encounters with the female kind he's on a par with us.
In the past few weeks there has been a lot written about my search for a companion, take away the offer from the odd couple from Pembury ( which I have heard they now like dressing up like bears, one as a teddy bear the other a polar! what kind of weirdos are they?) there have been no takers for the loveable rogue that is Brownie. So when a young lady showed a bit of interest I got excited and as my friends know when i'm excited I like to have a sleep.
As everyone surely knows to be productive the following day you will need at least 8 hours and 11minutes sleep the previous night, although yes currently I am once again on the injured list this means that I need that extra bit of sleep to make sure my body is recovering to it's full extent.
Although some parts of the story are true other parts have been fabricated, I don't like to air my dirty laundry in public so I hope the matter is now closed.
All the best
Sleeping beauty
Two weeks ago me and the Turner twins set off to the Big Apple, New YOrk City for a long weekend of sightseeing and shopping and maybe a drink or two.
On the day we got there after a long flight Benny said he had sussed out the subway system and that we should get a train to Penn Street as this was only a block or two away from our hotel. So with all our luggage we proceeded to walk 40 Blocks (about 3 miles) to our hotel.
Once settled we realised that this place had so much for us to do and see, it really is the city that never sleeps. The three of us more than made up for that on our second night in the city, told by all the locals that Saturday is the when the nightlife is at it's best we returned to our hotel late afternoon after an exhausting day of sight seeing and shopping to have a quick snooze before we hit the famous meat packing district (no that isn't a gay bar, it's where all the good clubs are in NYC). Being excited I decided not to have a sleep and would wake the boys up in an hour to get ready and go out, unfortunatley the busy day had taken more out of me than expected and I soon fell into a deep sleep. We had flown half way around the world for a 12 hour kip in one of the busiest and brightest cities in the world, I blame the other two really how could they of let me in charge of staying awake, especially after I had only had 8 or 9 hours sleep the night before.
All this sleeping must have worked though as we must have looked fresh faced out in New York every bar we went to we had to produce ID as we looked under the legal age for alcholic consumption. That will teach all the bar staff back at the Black Horse who think I look thirty.
Sunday 1st teamer Ian Ward, having lived in the USA for a while recommended some places to go and do. One of which was to eat at one of the finest resteraunts New York had to offer and I can honestly say the chicken wings at Hooters are some of the best in the world. So good in fact we had to go back every day.
Once we arrived at JFK for our flight me and Ali finally came to the conclusion that Benny is the biggest Egg you could ever meet, having not reserved our seats on the flight home it was lucky we had a seat at all. So the airline split uis up, Benny had to sit next to a fat Australian, Ali next to a mother and her new born daughter, I don't know who cried more on the flight home the baby or Ali and me I was the most unfortunate I was sat next to the window with a 25 year old blonde female who liked to snuggle in her sleep, it really is a hard life.
Once again I'm having to respond to unfounded critiscm from the press, although I was in the Black Horse on Saturday night chatting to a few of the older pro's!!! It was business not pleasure. As many of you know my footballing career is winding down so I was just putting a few feelers out about getting into coaching.
During Saturday's game I picked up a bit of a knock on my knee which turns out is torn cartilage, this is going to keep me out of action both on the pitch and in Dav's (sorry Ladies smooth moves Brown is out of action) for a couple of months.
As I mentioned before I had a hot date Saturday night with the tall blonde with a big nose, turns out she was a right boiler, looked like a bulldog chewing a wasp. We had a few drinks in The Black Horse and then onto Dav's for a bit of disco dancing. Naturally I paid for most of the evening, but when the conversation came round to her buying a drink, she became defensive said she was tired and left. Undettered I stayed for another drink then headed back home, to my shock and surprise I found the said blonde in her underwear on my couch. Although it's not a match made in heaven we now live together although we do have seperate bedrooms. I think she has mistaken me for an actor from Eastenders.
Although Liam (Bert) has become the resident Cassinova of Pembury FC (Only because Mr Hollywood A.Mearing is now in a long term relationship - 2 weeks!) it hasn't always been this way. Gone are the days when Bert was seen staggering around the Coco Lounge trying to seduce any woman, even those with faces only a mother could love with a cople of Barcadi Breezers.
Bert who recently discovered he has German roots( as proven by his rat like 80's mullet which has just come into fashion in his home town of Hamburg and his fasicnation of wearing skin tight stonewash jeans) has had limited results with his new found pulling technique of splashing the cash which he makes from being a professional linesman. Where as my own personal ploy of not spending a pennyand letting everyother "pooh" stirrer at this club do it for me is starting to pay off. Last Sunday I received a little treat for all the hard work everyone else has done on my behalf with the mystery barmaid. Who knows what presents I'm going to get in the following weeks. Keep the hard work up boys!!
P.S If someone could let the barmaid know that the rumours circulating that I'm going to be spending a romantic weekend in New York with a set of Blonde twins are true to some degree I can guarantee no hanky panky will occurr, unless Benny tries it on again.
Bert replys click here to read
Recently there has been a lot written about me on this website, Luke is now giving me the chance to reply in full to these and future reports with my own column. Firstly I'd like to thank all the well wishers who have stuck by me over the last few difficult years on my long trek back to fitness and competitive football, thanks Mum.
Now on to all the has beens, wannabes and haters who are trying to bring me down and brake my confidence. Special footballers like Wayne Rooney, David Beckham and myself will always have critics trying to bring us down, this is down to jealousy. They say one player can never be bigger than a club but in this case it seems like I am (no pun intended). It seems that the two biggest stories concerning me are to do with food and my lack of friends. Firstly with the set of friends I have who needs enemies! Regarding the food issue every good athlete knows that you have to replenish all the nutrients your body loses after vigorous exercise the reason I eat so much is because I work harder than anyone else on the pitch.
Now I'd like to say a few words regarding the teams season so far, although it got off to a great start with a 3-0 hammering of Otford on the opening day of the season and a credible draw with Lanes End since then our fortunes have turned. Away to Ashford we were poor although Liam Gent (Partridge to some)ad enough chances to win 2 games by himself. Against Staplehurst and Putlands defensive errors cost us badly I'm not one to name names but S.Waterman, B. Turner and A.Lindsey are all to blame. This is why I have now been brought back to play in defence with them. Things are much tighter now.
Sundays is a different story with a bigger squad we can rest a few players every now and then it's a shame they rested a certain goal scoring centre midfielder (the only one with a small nose) for the game against Gardeners which they lost. Apart from that we have drawn one and won the rest.
Although numbers for training have started to pick up it would be good to see a few more of you there, although this week there was a nasty smell while we were training I think i saw a skunk scurrying around near by.
That's it for the first instalment but I'm sure I'll have more exciting adventures to tell you about next week as we have cup games on Saturday and Sunday. Also Saturday night I have a date with a tall Blonde although she does have a big nose should be fun I've heard she's quite easy.
All the best & see you soon
Brownie
P.S I'd like to thank all the staff at the Black Horse for treating me well, although some have been better than others. The rest need to raise their game a little bit.
Just seen the updated website and it looks like Boozer is up to old tricks again.
To put my case forward over the last two seasons I have a goal ration of 1 in every 3 games, for a central midfielder that's not bad. In fact apart from our new £2 million pound international signing P. Bukovec I doubt if any other player can boast such a prolific strike rate. Surely now that the management have seen how deadly I am in front of goal they will be playing me higher up the pitch.
Yes I do like to indulge in a bit of International cuisine after a night out, but being a man of the world I like to delve into other countries cultures and traditions and if that means sampling a kebab, chicken jalfrazei or chicken chow mein on a night out so be it. It's a shame that not enough of us in Pembury are as open minded as me.
Yes I did take my Dad for a drink in The Black Horse on Saturday night, that was only because every other pub in Pembury was packed. My Dad enjoyed the drink but was shocked at the price of half a shandy in the aforementioned public house, leaving him with only enough money for his bus fare home out of his pension allowance.
Since this advert was placed on the website I have received an offer. From a couple, early 50's (see below) who live in Pembury, who wanted me to dress up in a football kit on a Sunday morning for them. I'm all for trying new things but I don't think this is going to work.
So until the right invite comes along I will be spending my weekends looking after the old man.